~it is a CROOKEY road!

It has been a while now. Still, I am thinking about him. His thoughts keeps hunting me. Even in my dreams, he is there. I tried to defy it but its no use. It seems I need an antidote of his venom. How can I forget those unforgettable moments?

He does not know I am feeling this. He did not even bother to ask my feelings towards him. All was because of that something words cannot define. I was lured and now cannot get out.

Keep putting up that brave face when I am in front of him. It is easy to let him see I am happy. It is just so hard to make my self believe I am. I am not and I don’t know ’til when I’ll be carrying this.

I want him. I know I do. But my brain keeps pushing him away. It is telling me to let him go. Which I did follow. I don’t want to see him but those glimpse I cannot deprive my self to do. I am even missing him though he is standing tall in front of me. Those looks and the smile or even the “please” is killing me.

I have thoughts of him holding my hands. I am imagining my self I am her right next to him. Instead of having her I was dreaming of me on his arms. But the lightning struck me and showed me the reality.

I never want to grow old with him for I know it is her he wants to have those white hairs with. I just want one moment. A moment I am holding his hands like those were mine.

“They deserve each other”, that is what is on my mind. Never follow what my heart desired for my mind speaks all the time. The feeling is right but the person is wrong. I am just jealous for I cannot hold him, cannot hug him or even kiss him when he sleeps. I never shared to him this feeling for I am thinking of her. Because she doesn’t know.